The other day I stumbled across a poem that I wrote a few years ago while experiencing an anxiety attack. It was the kind of anxiety attack that came out of nowhere and seemingly for no reason at all. So, I’d decided to channel the energy into writing this poem.
It’s meant to be performed as a slam poem, but for now I’ll just leave it here. Maybe one day I’ll do a recording and share that too.
Anxiety is a beast of a thing to suffer from…
It’s like a curse that plagues me from within
Leaving me weak
Making me ill
Like I’m watching the world crumble before my eyes.
When I experience anxiety
It’s like a wave of nervous energy welling up inside
It courses through my veins
And drums against my bones
Making words impossible to say
And sentences impossible to form
Stillness… is like a foreign concept
Movement, movement, movement
And sound, sound, sound
If I could run I would
If I could hide I would
But I cannot run
I cannot hide
I cannot hide from something created inside
Deep within my soul from unturned corners of my brain
It’s like I’m insane.
Like I’m insane.
Sometimes I wish I peel my skin from my bones
Ripping the flesh that keeps the vibrations inside
Setting them free
Setting me free
Maybe then the world wouldn’t seem so dark
Maybe then everything wouldn’t seem like it’s always falling apart
Maybe then I’d be able to breath
and my breath wouldn’t get caught inside my swelling throat
Maybe then I wouldn’t choke
Maybe then I’d have the freedom to just be me
Without feeling weak
Without feeling like I have to hide
Without being afraid of my potential to fly.
Or fall. That’s all.