Where did the passion go?

I can clearly remember being in high school and thinking that the most important thing that I could do in life was find a companion — Find love. Nothing else held as much weight to me as that.

Sure, I was a good student, and my grades were important to me, and I always knew that getting an education was an essential part to my future. But, for some reason, I think, that I thought, that if you didn’t have a companion, none of the other stuff would really matter. #TeenagerProblems

I had the hardest time in life trying to figure out what I wanted to do. What did I like? What were my passions? I always knew that I wanted to get married and have kids one day – have a family – but I didn’t know much about anything else.

I stumbled upon a few interests here and there, but nothing that made me passionate. Love was the only thing I felt truly passionate about. Love, I thought, was the most important thing. If you could find that, then everything else would fall in to place…

Naïve.

I’ve fallen in love a few times now and had my heart broken a few times as well. And almost every time, it was the same. I gave myself whole heartedly to my partners and enjoyed every bit of the relationships. I soaked up every ounce of love like a reptile trying to obtain warmth from the sun. That was what made me feel happy and that was all that mattered. But then, none of the other stuff would fall into place. I continued to be a good student in college and a good employee at work, but the passion never came. And eventually, despite my relationships, despite the love I had in my heart, I would become unhappy.

I always had passions as a child. I was obsessed with dinosaurs, and I thought, maybe one day, I could be a paleontologist. I would dig up fossils of ancient beasts and reconstruct them. I would marvel at the colossal size of these enchanting creatures. I would learn about them, and be able to tell their stories.

I thought outer space was the coolest place. I wanted to be an astronaut and explore the stars and the planets. I wanted to know what else was up there. I wanted to discover and experience all of it. I wanted to float freely and carelessly through the vast emptiness. How amazing I thought that would be.

I wanted to be a scientist. I wanted to learn about all that I didn’t understand, uncover new things – new ideas. I wanted to create. I wanted to make the world a better place. I truly had passion.

So what happened? Where did all that passion and curiosity go? How did it get lost along the way? And where did this idea that ‘the attainment of love was the only thing worth living for’ come from? Who stole my passion and replaced it with childish thoughts of love and happily ever after? Damn-it, Disney!

I’m not saying that love isn’t a desirable thing or an important part of life. I still put love very high up on the totem pole of values I carry in my heart. I just came to a new found realization. It’s the other things that have to come first. Find yourself. Discover your passions. Live your life. And then, love will fall into place. OR if you already have love, it will make more sense.

Whether you have a love in your life or not (which I do), you have to understand that there is a great importance in being in love with life and yourself, for I believe, that this is the true key to passion.

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